Los Angeles, CA -- (SBWIRE) -- 04/08/2019 -- Multiamory has announced the release of a new podcast episode that centers around the art of productive fighting as a tool for maintaining a healthy relationship.
Episode 210: Take the Fight Out of Your Fights focuses on healthy conflict resolution -- learning to fight fair instead of fighting dirty.
Many people have misconceptions about fighting with a partner, thinking that they must win the fight at all costs; or that if they're fighting, the relationship is in trouble. This episode reveals the truth about fighting, why fighting can be positive, and how to take the dirt out of fighting.
Conflict can actually be a valuable opportunity for personal growth, and for the growth of the relationship.
- Fair fighting forces you to confront relationship challenges head-on instead of bottling them up and having them eventually boil over.
- Conscious fighting can allow for self-exploration about personal boundaries, what makes us hurt or feel neglected by our significant other as well as what makes them feel offended or ignored.
- Fair fighting is an opportunity to increase intimacy by gaining a better understanding of each other's wants and needs, and developing valuable communication skills.
The podcast addresses boundaries as one of the main reasons people fight. It's rare that a couple will discuss boundaries before they are violated and before feelings are hurt. As co-host Dedeker Winston says, "Sometimes we don't know our own boundaries or we don't know our partner's boundaries until we bump up against them in some way. That's not necessarily anyone's fault... I see it as when you're playing a video game and you unlock a portion of the map that was all cloudy and foggy but now it's unlocked. Now you know where you're navigating and where you're going."
However, the benefits of fighting are all predicated on fair fighting.
When couples fight dirty, their fights are not specific. They are vague and general, and focused on blame ("you always…you never..."). The fight may escalate into an all-encompassing battle about multiple entwined and often exaggerated topics. Often, the past is dragged up, including forgiven or resolved issues.
Dirty fights rarely happen at a time when the fight will be most productive. They often occur when one partner is tired or busy and may even include a public "ambush." Dirty fights tend to escalate as one or both participants become more and more aggressive. There may be yelling and screaming, shaming, blaming, personal attacks on the partner's weaknesses and insecurities, physical outbursts like throwing things or punching walls, and physical violence or threats of violence.
However, dirty fighting isn't always what we consider a "fight." Dirty fighting can take a passive-aggressive tone with one partner ignoring or procrastinating bringing up problems, refusing to discuss issues and take personal responsibility, avoiding sharing feelings, giving the silent treatment, withdrawing, and checking out.
Done right, though, a fight can breathe new life into a relationship. It is, as Dedeker says, "about coming up against conflict and disagreement and finding a way for it to be both mindful and compassionate and as fair as possible."
A clean fight is clear and focused. The fight centers on one issue. Both partners stick to the truth and avoid exaggeration or generalization. Each partner speaks for him/herself, gives the other a chance to speak, and the fight is focused on the present issue and does not drag up the past.
A fair fight is conducted in private when no one is hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or drunk. It is not a series of attacks and reactions but rather an empowering journey of communication focused on creating a win-win resolution and moving forward with an even tighter bond.
Most of all, fair fighting is compassionate. It is respectful of each partner's emotional state and who they are as a person; it uses respectful and compassionate language, and both partners strive to build each other up instead of tearing each other down.
This podcast can be a relationship-changer for anyone who has been, knowingly or not, fighting dirty.
The hosts give practical advice on how to fight clean and how to use fighting as a tool for bringing a couple closer. Listen to the podcast here:
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Email: Click to Email Jase Lindgren